10 SIGNS OF A TOXIC FRIENDSHIP
Friendship is one of life’s greatest gifts, bringing us love, support, and joy. However, not all friendships are healthy. Sometimes, the friendships that we cherish the most can become toxic, draining our energy and impacting our mental well-being. As we journey through life, we change, relationships change, our environments change, wants and needs, so many things about us can evolve. In order to live our best lives in both the physical, spiritual and mental aspects, we need to assess and adjust the parts of our lives that aren’t serving us. So how can you tell when a friendship is no longer serving you? Here are some signs I’ve come across, that I think you might be dealing with a toxic friendship.
WHAT TO LOOK OUT FOR
Constant Drama
Does your friend seem to have an endless list of problems, always expecting you to solve them? Toxic friendships are often rife with drama, where one person tends to dominate the relationship with their issues. Healthy friendships create a balance of support; if you constantly feel like the emotional caretaker, it’s time to reassess the dynamic.
They Don’t Celebrate Your Success
A true friend is genuinely happy for you when good things happen. If your friend downplays your achievements, offers backhanded compliments, or appears jealous of your success, this could signal toxicity. Something worth noting is also if they shut down conversations with you when you’re telling them something new and exciting that is happening in your life, or they even change the subject. Friendships should encourage growth and foster a sense of celebration, not competition or envy. If you can’t celebrate your achievements, success or happiness with your best friend then who can you celebrate it with? It’s a bad sign, sorry.
You Feel Drained After Spending Time Together
One of the clearest indicators of a toxic friendship is how you feel after spending time with that person. If you frequently leave interactions feeling emotionally exhausted, anxious, or upset, take it as a red flag. Relationships should uplift you, not leave you feeling depleted. Even for the biggest introvert, who may feel tired after spending lots of time with people. Their friendships should still leave them feeling at peace.
There’s One-Sided Effort
Do you find yourself putting in all the effort to maintain the friendship? Whether it’s initiating plans, reaching out, or being emotionally available, a toxic friend often expects you to carry the relationship alone. Healthy friendships are built on mutual care and reciprocity. Maybe you don’t speak often or hang out much… that’s ok, as long as there is mutual understanding and respect with an agreement to make time for each other when either of you need or want it.
They’re Always Negative
It’s natural to vent to friends during tough times, but if your friend is consistently pessimistic and brings negativity wherever they go, it can seriously affect your mental health. Toxic friends may even discourage you from pursuing your dreams or belittle your optimism. Watch out for how they speak about others. People who tend to speak negatively about everyone in their lives may find it difficult to separate you from that group too.
They Don’t Respect Your Boundaries
Boundaries are crucial in any relationship, yet toxic friends often struggle to respect them. Whether they disregard your need for personal space, overstep their limits, or make you feel guilty for wanting time to yourself, a lack of respect for boundaries can cause emotional harm. Heavy on making you feel guilty. Friends that hold grudges or have something quick to throw at you when you can’t make a friend date or do a favour for them are ones to watch out for. Real healthy friendships understand and respect your boundaries.
You’re Afraid to Be Yourself
Do you feel like you have to tiptoe around your friend or filter your thoughts to avoid conflict or judgement? In toxic friendships, you might feel pressured to change who you are to fit their expectations. True friendships allow you to be your authentic self without fear of criticism or rejection. A lot of us have friends from different parts or years of our life, but they should encourage your growth as the years go and want to learn more about you, just as you would encourage them to be their authentic and evolving self.
They’re Unsupportive When You Need Them Most
A hallmark of a healthy friendship is being there for each other during challenging times. If your friend disappears when you need support, turns your struggles into a competition, or dismisses your feelings, it’s a significant sign that the friendship may not be as solid as you believe. Friendships aren’t 50/50. Sometimes you will need your friend more than they need you, and vice versa. There should be support and understanding when those times arise.
They Manipulate You
Toxic friends may employ manipulation tactics to control or guilt you into doing things their way. This could manifest as passive aggressive comments, gaslighting, or even turning others against you. Friendships should be built on mutual respect, not power plays. There is enough manipulation in the world, we don’t need it from the people we love and care for. If you wouldn’t treat them that way, what gives them permission to do the same to you?
You’re Always Apologising
If you find yourself frequently apologising to keep the peace or feel like you’re always at fault, it’s time to take a step back. Toxic friends often refuse to acknowledge their actions, leaving you feeling like the problem. There needs to be an open line of communication here too in order for there to be accountability on both sides. If you feel like you’re the only one whose ever accountable or apologetic, that could definitely be a sign of an unhealthy one sided friendship.
What To Do If You Recognise These Signs
If any of these signs resonate with you, it’s essential to pause and reflect on the friendship. Toxic friendships can erode your self-esteem and mental health over time, and prioritising your well-being is vital. Communicate your feelings if you think the friendship can be salvaged, but don’t hesitate to set boundaries or distance yourself if the toxicity continues. Remember, you deserve friendships that uplift and support you, not ones that drain your mind, soul and body.
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