How to Set Boundaries With Less Guilt - here’s 4 Practical ways to try it

Setting boundaries is a vital part of maintaining your mental health and healthy relationships, but it’s often accompanied by feelings of guilt or fear of disappointing others. If this is you, you’re not alone. So many people struggle to set boundaries, particularly when they’re used to prioritising the needs of others over their own and worse when they have a habit of people pleasing.

The truth is, boundaries are not selfish, they’re really not, they’re a form of self-respect and self-care. I want to share 4 practical ways you can start setting boundaries without feeling guilty.

1. Remember Your Why

Before setting a boundary, take a moment to reflect on why it’s important to you. Is it about protecting your peace? Avoiding burnout? Honouring your values?

When you’re clear on your reasons, it becomes much easier to communicate and stick to your boundaries without second-guessing yourself. For example, if you’re feeling overwhelmed by constant weekend invites to events, when all you want to do is rest and reset at home, remind yourself that saying no allows you to recharge and be fully present when it matters most. Remember, always saying yes to everything, means saying no to yourself.

💡 Tip: Write down your reasons. This can be a helpful reminder when you’re feeling unsure or pressured to bend your boundaries.

2. Use “I” Statements

Language matters when setting boundaries, especially if you want the other person to understand your perspective without then feeling guilty for expressing it afterwards. Using “I” statements helps you express your needs calmly and respectfully.

For example, instead of saying, “Because you’re always asking so much of me,” try: “I need some time to rest and recharge so I can be at my best.” This small shift can make a big difference in how your message is received.

Why It Works: “I” statements focus on your feelings and needs rather than pointing fingers, which reduces defensiveness and keeps the conversation constructive.

3. Let Go of People-Pleasing

One of the biggest challenges in setting boundaries is overcoming the fear of being seen as selfish or unkind. But remember this: saying “no” doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you an authentic one.

Prioritising your needs doesn’t mean you don’t care about others. What it means is that you’re ensuring your own well-being so you can show up as your best self for the people you love. The reality is, setting boundaries can enhance your relationships by creating clearer expectations and reducing resentment.

Words to Remember and Repeat: “My needs matter, and setting boundaries allows me to protect my peace.”

4. Anticipate Pushback

It’s natural for some people to resist your boundaries, especially if they’ve benefitted from your lack of them in the past. They may question your decisions, react negatively, or even sulk. This is where staying firm becomes crucial.

Remind yourself that their reaction doesn’t mean your boundary is wrong. It is simply a sign of growth and change. Boundaries challenge people and sometimes even come as a shock, but they’re an essential step in creating healthier dynamics for everyone involved.

Key Takeaway: The discomfort of pushback is temporary, but the benefits of respecting your boundaries last so much longer.

Why Boundaries Are a Form of Self-Love

Setting boundaries isn’t about building walls, it’s about creating a space where you can grow, heal and be a better version of yourself. Boundaries allow you to protect your energy, protect and work on your mental health, and show up authentically in your relationships.

It may feel uncomfortable at first, but with practice, you’ll find that setting boundaries becomes a powerful way to honour yourself. Remember, you are not responsible for other people’s feelings about your boundaries, you are responsible for yourself and how you show up in the world. You never know, you setting a boundary in a dynamic where there usually is a lack of boundaries may encourage others to be brave and set some themselves.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve been struggling with guilt around setting boundaries, I hope these tips provide clarity and encouragement. You deserve relationships and environments that respect your needs and support your growth.

Are you finding it difficult to set boundaries or struggling with the guilt that comes with saying "no"? You don’t have to navigate this alone.

Book a Session Today: Imagine feeling confident in protecting your peace, setting clear boundaries, and prioritising your needs without the guilt. Whether you’re looking for therapy or coaching, I’m here to guide you every step of the way. Together, we’ll uncover what’s holding you back and create personalised strategies to help you heal and grow.

Have Questions? Send me a message. I’m happy to chat and help you decide which support option is right for you.

Don’t wait for “the right time”, take the first step towards healthier boundaries and a more fulfilling life today. You are worth it.